Tuesday 25 May 2010

Loving children

Home educators vary tremendously in their aims and methods for achieving those aims. Some are like me, parents who are getting restless if their child cannot read by her second birthday. Others are not bothered if their son can only write in large, scrawled capital letters at the age of twelve. Most fall somewhere between these two extremes. All however have one thing in common; they like their children and enjoy their company.

I find it absolutely extraordinary to hear mothers with a babe in arms talking eagerly of how soon they will be able to get a nursery place for their child. I am similarly astonished when parents report that they are dreading the Summer holidays; it will mean spending a lot of time with their kids. My own daughter was not born until I had already turned forty. Perhaps this had the effect of making her very precious to me, I had more or less accepted by that age that I would never be a father. Whatever the reason, I loved every second of the time I spent with her as a baby. I certainly never tired of her or wished for anybody else to look after her. it seemed the most natural thing in the world not to send her to school. Why wouldn't I want to spend all the available time with her? I think that many parents of school children find this attitude a bit weird. they say things like, 'I'd go mad if I was stuck in the house with him all day!' or 'Don't you ever get fed up?'. I have felt in the past that there is a hint that there must be something a little unnatural about a parent who is content to have his child by his side all day long.

I wonder if this might be at the back of the suggestion that home educated children might be more at risk of abuse than those who are sent to school? Could it be that most parents simply can't imagine mothers and father who love their children so much that they do not wish to be parted from them? Perhaps some people find this so unusual that they feel that there must be something sinister or unhealthy at the back of it.

I have noticed another thing when talking to parents of teenagers who are at school. They are all amazed when I tell them that my daughter and I never argue. It is as though this whole set-up of parents arguing furiously with their teenage offspring is supposed to be the normal state of affairs and a relaxed, peaceful home is somehow an oddity. But I can't for the life of me see why I would want to fall out with my daughter.

Perhaps it is this which really lies at the heart of the reservations which others have about home education. Clearly, the objections cannot really be based upon purely educational concerns. It is perfectly easy to teach a kid at home and provide at least as efficient education as is likely to be on offer at the local maintained school. The real problems that some people have with the idea of home education must lie elsewhere and I would not be at all surprised if this were part of the explanation.

17 comments:

  1. Simon says-wonder if this might be at the back of the suggestion that home educated children might be more at risk of abuse than those who are sent to school?

    you said children at home are more at risk of abuse and you wanted loads of checks in the home and to see child on its own you where all for it agreeing with crazy old Badman/Balls dont you remember?

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  2. "My own daughter was not born until I had already turned forty. Perhaps this had the effect of making her very precious to me, I had more or less accepted by that age that I would never be a father."
    Weren't you already a father when you had Simone? What about your older daughter, the one who went to school?

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  3. Gosh - you aren't that old - my husband hadn't evn got married at 40- so he was over a decade older when we had our youngest. But I do agree about the whole "sending baby to nursery thing" - the trouble is that it has become so ingrained - that is what happens. Then there is the continued need for women to go back to work to maintain large mortgages. And as for Govt pressures.....

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  4. you not answered Simon are children who are home educated more at risk from abuse? what about you Julie?

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  5. Of course society is suspicious of people (parents/children) who don't conform to the accepted norm. It was ever thus.

    Is that at the root of 'the suggestion that home educated children might be more at risk of abuse than those who are sent to school?'

    No, that whole chimera was constructed by the last govt's education dept in order to justify changes to the legislation.

    I don't think we'll hear much more of that 'suggestion'/roumour/lie now. Even IF there is the rare high profile case where HE was a vaguely related factor.

    If abuse was more likely among the HE'd population then adults who had been abused by their 'HE'ing' parents would have flocked to the newspapers during last summer's publicity/propaganda campaign to offer themselves as eg's to the popular press and bolster support for the Badman report. Papers like the Sun would have lapped up personal stories like that. But they didn't, did they?

    Mrs Anon

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  6. What me, Peter? I don't think that HE children as a whole are at more risk of abuse than the school population; most home educators are those families who have conciously chosen to dedicate their lives to giving their children the best education available, and thus seem an unlikely bunch to want to do any harm to their families.

    However there are always exceptions - the odd "using HE as an excuse to cover on-going abuse" sort of families (the dreadful Plymouth case would be an example of that); the "I am withdrawing my child to resolve my on-going issues with schools, even though I am uable to keep my child safe let alone educate" sort of family (aka Khyra Ishaq)... and so on. Denying this happens is stupidity; but of course these cases are not only a very small minority, but each case has been one where social services already knew about the children at risk, but still failed to act.

    Then, of course there is a different question- If a parent fails to give the child the best education available, then is that "abuse"? I imagine there may be more disagreement here!

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  7. Julie said...

    What me, Peter? yes you Julie LOL!
    Denying this happens is stupidity; those cases wont home education just abuse easy to see to!

    then, of course there is a different question- If a parent fails to give the child the best education available, then is that "abuse"?

    we know that in most cases private education would be best for a lot of children but parents do not have money to pay for it so this must be abuse?

    Peter gets a 2nd rate education compared to a top private school education so must be abuse? you better phone HCC Julie LOL Simon to scared to phone HCC and i give him the number to phone! what more can i do!

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  8. 'Peter gets a 2nd rate education compared to a top private school education so must be abuse? you better phone HCC Julie LOL Simon to scared to phone HCC and i give him the number to phone! what more can i do!'

    And this is how every potentially interesting thread at this blog goes, isn't it? Peter, you need a new hobby. Get out a bit more, see some real people.

    Mrs Anon

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  9. And this is how every potentially interesting thread at this blog goes, isn't it? Peter, you need a new hobby. Get out a bit more, see some real people.

    are you saying that a state education is better than a private education Mrs Anon?

    i do enjoy a trip to London does that count as geting out and about?LOL

    Simon said i was crazy so he has a duty to report us to HCC you cant have some one who is crazy home educating can you Mrs Anon?

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  10. Lovely sentiments, Simon. Uplifting to read. I've never had a cross word with my daughter either (and when I tell people her teenage years were a joy they usually assume I'm being sarcastic!).

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  11. 'are you saying that a state education is better than a private education Mrs Anon?'

    I don't know. Are you say that elephants live on Mars?

    'Simon said i was crazy so he has a duty to report us to HCC you cant have some one who is crazy home educating can you Mrs Anon?'

    Oh stop trying to get people to complain about you to your LA and get on with it yourself. You've got the phone number. You clearly WANT some sort of aggro, so go and have it and stop annoying OTHER HOME EDUCATORS!

    Mrs Anon

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  12. Mrs Anons-says I don't know. Are you say that elephants live on Mars?

    whats that got to do with education?


    you not answered the question is a private school education like David Cameron had better than a state education yes or no will do?

    i and Peter have complaind to Hampshire County Council and asked them to do a school attendance order but they wont maybe you can help?

    how is it annoying other home educators? what are you saying your not allowed to tell other home educators about the way Peter was treated by HCC? you want us to be quiet like David Kirk does? sorry but we wont!

    if lies where told about you by an LA what would you say to them oh dont worry about it you can say and tell lies about me and my family any day?

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  13. "Then, of course there is a different question- If a parent fails to give the child the best education available, then is that "abuse"? I imagine there may be more disagreement here!"

    Wouldn't that definition make the majority of children victims of abuse as even parents of children attending state schools are responsible for their child's education? State education can only be aimed at the 'average' child, the middle of the bell curve. It depends on how far out from the centre of this 'bell' this education can be described as the best available education for individual children.

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  14. "we know that in most cases private education would be best for a lot of children but parents do not have money to pay for it so this must be abuse?"

    In your opinion. I would consider most private schools as unsuitable for my children, but each to their own (if they can afford it!).

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  15. I would consider most private schools as unsuitable for my children, but each to their own (if they can afford it!).

    i wonder if Eton school where David Cameron went woulkd be unsuitable for your children? it cost about 28 grand a year but that does not include any extra's! such feild trips aboard or extra teaching!

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  16. I'm bound to say Mr Williams, you don't sound very enthusiastic about home education! Speaking for myself, I chose this course of action because I believed that I could provide a better standard of education for my child than either Eton or the local comprehensive. Could you perhaps remind us of your own motives?

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  17. you dont sound to enthusiastic about home education to Simon!(wanting to check under people floorboards in case body of child is hidden) i want home education done better with more resourses given to it if you dont want the resourses fine dont have them but some of us do! I dont belive you could give better education than Eton!

    We where forced into home education when HCC refused to allow Peter to have off site chess education yet on they web page it says you can this has now been removed but i took a copy! The ex head was happy with this until council said no! 2 of the officers who work for Hampshire told Lies and i have the proof!
    they then tell lies about the family and Peter and make threats which we had to spend a lot of time dealing with! Dr Tony ludlow was very unhappy about this and also had to spend far to much time on this matter trying to get HCC to see sense! i was up late most nights writng letters going though information checking everything and so was Peter he now very good at letter better than me and no howw to complain you can thank HCC for that LOL

    Lies where told and half truths i got the information under the freedom of infromation act

    i see the emails they send to each other! they never thought i was clever enough to do this LOL

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