The retreat from parenting

Although compulsory education only starts after a child's fifth birthday, the actual age at which kids begin in school and nursery has been dropping for years. It is quite common now for two and three year olds to be in nurseries and some are even starting before their second birthday. This is quite strange really, because there is of course a good deal of evidence to suggest that it is bad for small children to be stuck in impersonal institutions like this and that they are better off at home with their parents. One only needs to read Bowlby or Dorothy and Raymond Moore.

Of course for some parents, stark economic necessity forces them to leave their kids in day-care like this at an early age. An awful lot of parents though are simply delighted to unload their children on somebody else so that they can get on with their lives. For such parents, nurseries are a blessed relief, the school holidays are a trial and weekends a torment. They don't actually seem to like having their children around. This is in sharp contrast to home educating parents of course, who actively enjoy the company of their children. They are however in a tiny minority. Most people seem to take it for granted that the state should be raising their children for them from a very young age. This is unhealthy and it promotes a strange mentality whereby many parents become reluctant actually to parent their own children. I have been observing this for some years and it now seems to be the rule rather than the exception.

Here are a few instances which I have witnessed in the last few days. They are pretty typical and I am sure that readers will have seen and heard many examples themselves. A small child is standing up while the bus is moving. His mother tells him, 'Sit down. The driver will tell you off.' In the library, a child is making a lot of noise and irritating other library users. His mother says, 'Stop it or you'll get into trouble.' At the supermarket checkout, a toddler starts grabbing sweets from a display. His mother tells him, 'Don't do that or the lady will get cross.' In each case, the mother is making it plain that other people are going to be displeased by the child's behaviour; she is just a spectator! This is pretty bizarre. These mothers, and they are very common, are in effect distancing themselves from their children and disclaiming responsibility. They are seemingly afraid to say, 'Stop it, I don't like that behaviour.' They would rather leave it to others.

The impression one sometimes gets is that schools, policemen, librarians, social workers or 'the authorities' in all their guises are the ones who parents feel to be ultimately responsible for their children. Parents are increasingly unwilling to reprove their children, tell them 'No' or discipline them in any way. The natural result is some pretty vile children who have no idea how to behave. Home education is very good educationally for a child, but also very important is the knowledge which such children have that their parents are accepting responsibility for them and that their care and control is not being foisted off on paid servants of the state.