I have observed a number of times recently that as our children and the children of friends and relatives get older, quite a few parents seem to regret the fact that their little ones are no longer children. They are apparently sad to find that the children who once hung on their every word are now challenging and disputing anything and everything which their parents say. Some parents express this openly, by saying that it is a pity that their children have grown up. I find this faintly shocking. I can't imagine that they would really prefer their kids to remain in a state of arrested development and reliance upon their parents.
I wonder whether this sort of thing is liable to strike home educating parents a little harder? They are often closer to their children than the parents of children who have waved their kids off to school when they were five and then later seen them form close bonds with a peer-group at secondary school. It is true that the house seemed a little empty when my daughter finally went off each day to college at the age of sixteen, but I found this more a matter for rejoicing and satisfaction than regret. I found it all but impossible to do anything else much while I was educating her and her attendance at college has freed me in a way to get on with other things.
I revel in the fact that my daughter is now an opinionated young woman who shows only contempt for my own beliefs; whether religious or political. There would be something a little odd if this had not happened, although judging by what other parents say, some find this upsetting. The whole aim of my life has been to produce a self-reliant person who decides for herself what she wishes to do. Had this not happened and my daughter was still looking to me for guidance at the age of seventeen, I should feel that I had failed in some way. When she goes off to university in the autumn, I shall have the quiet satisfaction of knowing that a job has been completed and I can get on with other things.
Old Webb says-When she goes off to university in the autumn, I shall have the quiet satisfaction of knowing that a job has been completed
ReplyDeletewhat if your daughter does not want to go to university? what if she wanted to leave college? you let her?
you also say-They are often closer to their children than the parents of children who have waved their kids off to school when they were five and then later seen them form close bonds with a peer-group at secondary school.
more attacks on home educators! home educating parents having a close bond with their children is a good things some of those so called close bonds formed at school can be very nasty with bullying and in some cases children killing their self due to peers being very nasty to them! but old webb would just brush all that under the carpet and blame the parents!
you talk more like a head teacher than a home educator Webb.
We were discussing something similar recently. We came to the conclusion that we love our children as they currently are (as you say, independent and moving out into the world) and wouldn't change them or go back in time for the world, but we also miss the younger versions of the the same child because they seem so different. However, I'm not sure they ever hung on our every word. There seemed to be as many disputes within conversations then as now, just about different things and they're better at making their case. The young person is different from the child, not better or worse but different, and we miss the young child whilst, as you say, revelling in the young person they are now. Does that make sense?
ReplyDelete'The young person is different from the child, not better or worse but different, and we miss the young child whilst, as you say, revelling in the young person they are now. Does that make sense?'
ReplyDeleteIt makes perfect sense and is more or less the attitude we take here. We certainly remember with pleasure the trips to the seaside when the kids were little; but gain just as much enjoyment from their activities as they grow older.
'what if your daughter does not want to go to university? what if she wanted to leave college? you let her?'
ReplyDeleteI would welcome suggestions from readers of a way of either forcing a seventeen year old to attend university or preventing her from leaving college. I have no idea how either of these objects could be accomplished!
'you also say-They are often closer to their children than the parents of children who have waved their kids off to school when they were five and then later seen them form close bonds with a peer-group at secondary school.
more attacks on home educators!'
Utterly baffled as to how this might be seen as an attack on home educators. Like most home educating parents, I valued this increased closeness to my child.
I have been thinking about this a lot myself recently.
ReplyDeleteSome people seem to really cling to their children, and towant to keep them forever. Thats not my philosophy; independance is my main aim for them all.
With ds finishing school this year and dd being in college a couple days a week for her 14-16 courses it does leave me with mixed feelings. In both cases I am proud to see that I have turned out (so far) relatively well turned out, social, independant young people. Their special needs petrified me when they were young as I thought they would never grow up and move on. I credit myself to the extent that I fought for both to have as much independance as they are able and they seem to be achieving this. I do think its harder with my dd, but whether that is because she is HE'd or because she is a girl I dont know.
At the moment it seems easier but maybe it's because I have younger ones I am still bringing through it all. Perhaps this stops the gap seeming so big. I think you'll have to ask the question again in around 14 years and see if I am suffering empty next syndrome then.
I love to see my children growing up and becoming more independent because I can see what pleasure it gives them. It's rather miraculous to live with too.
ReplyDeleteMy children know that they will always have a home with us and that we will continue to support them practically and emotionally as long as we are alive but I think it's important for children to know that they are free to grow up and leave their parents when they choose to. It can be a burden on a child to feel that they are so loved and cherished that they can't 'abandon' their parent.
I don't think that a parent-child relationship is ever 'job done'. The art of continuing happy relationships with those we love is a re-shaping as time passes.
worn out Webb says-Utterly baffled as to how this might be seen as an attack on home educators.
ReplyDeleteit is an attack on home educators as you dont think it is normal for a parent to be close to his/her child?
you all say-When she goes off to university in the autumn, I shall have the quiet satisfaction of knowing that a job has been completed
so if she does not go to university your job is not done?
how is government going to force 16 -17 to stay in full time education then Webb when school leaving age is raised to 18? Balls was keen on this!
'it is an attack on home educators as you dont think it is normal for a parent to be close to his/her child?'
ReplyDeleteI have no idea what the hell you are talking about. I realise that it has been a mistake to try and respond to your increasingly mad comments and in future I shall not being doing so.
worn out Webb says-I have no idea what the hell you are talking about. I realise that it has been a mistake to try and respond to your increasingly mad comments and in future I shall not being doing so.
ReplyDeletewho care if you respond or not we dont! your the one who makes mad comments including your support of crazy old Graham Badman you forgot about that have you?
Well, I get promoted to the job of grandmother in the summer -so bang goes my ideas of "getting on with other things"
ReplyDeleteteacher Julie says- Julie -Well, I get promoted to the job of grandmother in the summer -so bang goes my ideas of "getting on with other things"
ReplyDeletegrandmother can hand the children back at the end of the day!
Julie wrote,
ReplyDelete"Well, I get promoted to the job of grandmother in the summer -so bang goes my ideas of "getting on with other things""
Congratulations!!!
(Now does this brand me as cult like...?)