The world is full of idiots. Whatever one does or says, there is sure to be some fool ready to criticise or offer an ill-informed opinion on the matter. This is the nature of the world and there is little that can be done about it. I became used to people saying silly things about my decision not to send my daughter to school. Sometimes I would respond with reasoned arguments; more often, I would just mutter 'idiot!' to myself and walk off. I have been wondering lately whether this approach is gendered. In other words, are men more likely to ignore or dismiss criticism of home education than women are? There is little doubt that most women prefer to reach consensus and like it better when people around them agree with them and approve of their actions. It is also the case that there are quite a few men who thrive on opposition and seem to revel in doing and saying things that others dislike. I am also thinking that there might be a different attitude towards home educating fathers than there is towards mothers.
I can't help noticing when reading Internet lists and forums about home education that many of the mothers seem to get pretty worked up about the ignorance and negative feelings which they encounter. It really appears to matter to them what others think of their child rearing and educational methods. Perhaps this is because our society expects mothers to know about children and what is good for them. If all the other mothers in an area are doing one thing with their kids and one mother is doing something completely different, then there might be an assumption that the odd one out is doing things wrong. After all, she is going against the collective wisdom of the other mothers. Both from her point of view and that of the other mothers, she must be taking the wrong road. It is quite different with men. People naturally assume that men will screw up when it comes to looking after babies and children. All the sitcoms and soap operas on the television are predicated upon this; that when a man is left in charge of a small child, even his own, trouble is bound to follow. This means that when a man adopts a weird and obviously wrong way of raising a child, people just shrug mentally and say to themselves, 'Well, what can you expect? He's a man, he doesn't know any better'. When a woman apparently makes a foolish decision about child rearing though, she automatically becomes a bad mother; she ought to know better.
There are few home educating fathers, that is to say men who spend all day looking after their child and educating her. I know one or two, but they are rare birds indeed compared with the masses of women who home educate. All the ones I know are completely indifferent to what others think of their lifestyle. I also know a number of women and all of them have been upset at one time or another by the views which their family, friends or even random strangers have expressed about home education. There are so few fathers who home educate during the day, that it is not really possible to find a big enough sample to be meaningful, but I would be keen to hear from any other fathers who come on here. Does society have a different view of home educating fathers than it does of mothers?
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Yes, women tend to be more sensitive to the opinions others have of them than men. I suspect there may some be evolutionary reasons for this. Also, men do still tend to grow up developing the notion that they are in charge of the world. LOL!
ReplyDelete'All the sitcoms and soap operas on the television are predicated upon this; that when a man is left in charge of a small child, even his own, trouble is bound to follow.'
Unfortunately, this was pretty much the case in our household, but probably because of lack of practice.
The world is full of idiots.
ReplyDeleteyes your one of them LOL
I'm sure I've read a fair bit on the fact that girls are encouraged to be more 'people pleasing' than boys and to take greater account of other people's feelings. Haven't got time to look anything up right now though. Then there's the fact that women just break social norms less than men. Perhaps that makes them more sensitive to criticism when they do.
ReplyDeleteThough I am a woman I'm not hugely bothered about what other people make of my life choices - probably because I've made quite a few that people like to judge and dismiss. I might get angry but I don't let people's views upset me unless they actually have some power to stop me.
I've observed through life that women tend to be more judgemental of other woman in general. Whilst I've rarely received direct criticism of my choice to HE, I would say I do tend to receive less disaproval from men when I mention that we home educate, than from my own gender who have often (with one or two exceptions) been at best curiously disapproving. The few men I've spoken to tend to be both curious, and interestingly quote reasons as to why I would make the decison. I remember meeting a stranger at the bus stop whilst we were on the way to an outing. He asked me why my children weren't in school, and when I elaborated, he became very curious and then said 'Maybe your children will become geniuses' (nothing further from the truth) but I think perhaps men may tend to assume your intention in H.E. is to provide an education similar in structure to school but only better, whereas possibly women may tend to think you're taking a gamble with your children. This is just my personal thought.
ReplyDelete'I think perhaps men may tend to assume your intention in H.E. is to provide an education similar in structure to school but only better'
ReplyDeleteI think that there is probably something in that. Most of the home educating fathers one hears of tend to be fanatical about making their child a genus of some sort; whether at chess, mathematics or something else. I think that this is what men think of when you say 'home education', a child being intensively and rigorously coached.
I suspect that some of women "getting worked up" may have to do with them receiving worse treatment from local authorities.
ReplyDeleteCan't find any examples from the UK, but the home education association in Australia actually advises that home educating mothers never meet with education officials without their spouse present, even if he is not the primary educating parent. Several US groups advise the same. Their reasoning seems to be that the (predominantly female) officials tend to be much easier to deal with when there is a man present, since they generally assume that men have made more considered decisions to homeschool - women shouldn't "worry their pretty little heads" about such things, apparently, so mothers are more likely to have their decision to home educate agressively contested.
I suspect that some of women "getting worked up" may have to do with them receiving worse treatment from local authorities.
ReplyDeleteyes and some of the treatment is very threating and rude by Local Authority staff but if you complain your marked down as a trouble maker! and your complaint is just brushed away untill we have a real way of geting our complaints about LA staff dealt with you will always have this war!