Monday 20 August 2012

Ostensible and real motives for home educating





Something which I have begun to suspect in recent years is that those who choose not to send their children to school are generally  motivated by something a little deeper than the reasons which they give to others. This is certainly the case with me and also with many of the home educating parents who open up about their past lives.

I was looking again at the blog written by the mother who left this country to avoid trouble with social services about her children’s welfare. One entry is written in the third person about a child who, I gather from the comments, is actually her. She says:



Once upon a time there was a 6 year old school-girl...
She was skinny & freckly & a little bit plain & awkward.
She hated school & had few friends. She was always much happier at home.
Sometimes she would be picked on by the other pupils for not being 'typical' or conforming to the 'norms'...



One of those commenting on this, also a well-known British home educator, says,



That could have been me, although they did not know I was bright they criticised all the time and I got two years of the bitchiest teacher going, she picked on and exposed the shy ones



Now neither of these two women have said in the past that they decided to home educate their children because they were themselves unhappy at school. In fact I have never seen or heard of such a claim anyway being made by a home educating parent. It is just that when we do hear home educators mentioning their childhood experiences of school, certain patterns seem to emerge. Typically, these include being unhappy at school, having few friends, being isolated and teachers who fail to recognise genius or at the very least talent and high ability. I am not about to name names, but this constellation of life events has been observed in very many high profile home educators, as well as an awful lot of others.

It is fascinating to relate this to my own experiences and apparent motives for home educating. Now I have often said that I was motivated by the realisation that I could give my child a far better individualised education than she would receive at school. I have also said that I believed that God has given us a duty to direct our children’s upbringing and education. Both of these motives are perfectly true, but they are in a sense ’cover stories’. The fact is that I hated school and did not feel inclined to inflict upon my own daughter something which I found so loathsome and distressing. I have noticed just this same phenomenon in so many other parents. You learn that they took their kid out of school because she was being bullied or had some obscure special educational need that was not being effectively catered for. Then, some time later, it comes to light that the parent herself hated school and was very unhappy there.

The truth of the matter is, I think, that so ingrained in our culture is sending your children off to school, that it takes a little more than a calm and balanced decision to break with the tradition of schooling and decide to go it alone. Very many children are bullied, many are on the autistic spectrum or have school phobia; very few of the parents of these children take the step of removing their child from school entirely as a remedy for the problem. It takes something a little extra to prompt such an eccentric move and this is often provided by the flashbacks suffered by the parent about her own school days.

I would be interested to hear what readers think about this. How many thoroughly enjoyed their time at school and who was unhappy; did anybody feel that her ability was overlooked by the teachers? I am not, as I say, going to give names, but I have collected a huge number of personal reminiscences from different sources which cover practically every well-known home educator or researcher of whom most of us have ever heard. All tend in this   same direction.

52 comments:

  1. Well, I am afraid I loved school....and of my children, the ones who went to school and stayed there loved school,and the ones who we home educated didn't like school - don't know what this proves except children can be very different!

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  2. I hate school with force when I was a child. I suffer there and felt miserable. I was rised in dictatorship in a family who opposed the regimene but went to school with kids whose families were pro Pinochet. In my mind as a child, the opresive society in which I lived and the school were one and the same.
    I decided to study pedagogy and became a teacher to make things better. I choose what I thought were cool schools for my kids, far diferent for the spartan and colonialist english school my parents inflict over me. But "alternative schools" weren't THAT alternative and I dislike what I saw in there. I opt to homeschool them. During that time I became a PhD and a researcher in education. My motives, emotionals and pedagogycal are part of a long braid. Is dificult to separate one from the other. After 2 years my kids are back to traditional schooling. They decided it and I support their decission. They are happy, stronger. Their actual happiness is fundated in their homeschool experiece. Thay know they can choose, schooling is an option. They have categories to read and analize their experience as students. I still don't like hegemonic schooling, but I feel at peace now.

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  3. What an interesting topic!

    I'm not a 'well-known' home educator but could speculate that people might become well-known activists withing the HE movement because of that personal discomfort with school. I don't think it is a particularly prominent reason for most of us ordinary HE parents, however. Not among those of my acquaintance anyway. Many are initially sad about having to HE and even feel a little guilty that they are depriving their children of something by HE'ing. They soon discover that they aren't really missing much though, especially when they find a local group and their kids get involved in all sorts of fun group activities.

    For myself, I LOVED school. School was a happy, safe place for me, and my teachers opened doors which would otherwise have have remained firmly shut.

    Sadly, this is not the case for all, something I began to understand when I myself became a teacher. When my own children were born, I assumed they would go to school, but my first child has autism and the school system was never going to be appropriate for her.

    Talking to our HE'ing friends, as we do, most had happy school experiences themselves. There is a wide variety of reasons people choose HE. Although, perhaps not among those who rise to the upper echelons of HE activism ;-) I'm not sure. I've not done the research!

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    1. 'Im not a well known home educator'

      Do you feel like you should be a well known home educator?

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    2. Don't bother with the research and the activism..
      Get on with the home ed, you're in it to educate your child not become a well known home educator/activist.

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    3. You're not quite understanding the point being made, are you.

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    4. 'Get on with the home ed, you're in it to educate your child '

      Job done!
      I'm so old my home educated children are now grown up!

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  4. Oh, and the point about abilities being overlooked by teachers? That made me laugh as it was the opposite for me. Teachers saw potential and gave me the confidence to consider university, which was a totally alien concept in my family.

    Schools can be great, positive forces for change, for social mobility, for changing lives, for developing potential. However, sometimes they are inadequate. Or worse, actually damaging to some children! The responsible parent then needs to examine the alternatives.

    What shocks me is how long some parents will allow their children to suffer (educationally, or emotionally, or for some disabled children, physically) before they do something to intervene.

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  5. I loved school. I went to a lot of different ones, and took exams early. I was also a prefect in a couple of places and deputy head girl so no, I didn't feel over-looked or unappreciated and nor was I bullied.

    There again, schools were different places then. Smaller. Not bound by National Curriculums and targets and, dare I say it, with less of a focus on baby sitting and excusing bad behaviour and more of a focus on teaching children.

    If my children had been able to go to the same sorts of schools that I did then they'd probably have still been there. They couldn't, so they aren't. If anything, I feel guilty for leaving them there as long as I did because I didn't understand how fundamentally the system had changed.

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  6. I hated school. Every minute of it. I don't consider myself as having ever really needed it. I was a great book-worm and learned most of what I've learned in life from reading. All school did was make my life a misery. In school being bookish was asking to be bullied. Yes, most of the reasons I give for choosing to home educate are probably a cover.

    But I don't care really. I haven't observed an improvement in terms of teaching, behaviour or moral and educational philosophy; if anything it has steadily declined over the years. I am completely biased in this I know, but there it is.

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    1. 'Yes, most of the reasons I give for choosing to home educate are probably a cover.'

      Those on the outside of HE might see that as lies, and through such lies home education myths are built that have no basis in reality.

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    2. I don't live my life constantly wondering about what others 'might' think.

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    3. Sure you do, that's why you made this comment..so as you could take the moral high ground with your self righteous egocentrism.

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    4. This commenter seems to think he's able to diagnose mental conditions, judge morality of others and believes he KNOWS about the lives/jobs etc of other Anons here.

      Most concerning. I hope that he doesn't have charge of any children in his day to day life.

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    5. Makes some wonder whether you should be in charge of children, being as you're so adept at lying.

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  7. School was fine for me, but my partner probably truanted more than he attended. Every now and then the EWO would threaten his Mum with dire consequences and he would go again for a month or so before it all began again. Bullying was part of the problem by he also disliked school once he moved to secondary.

    When people ask why we HE we mention that my partner disliked school but I'm not sure how significant a reason it was for beginning HE. I think it made it more likely that HE would be considered seriously rather than being a direct reason for HE as such. Our children were given the choice and after trying both opted for HE.

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  8. I've been thinking about this and I believe that the phrase 'ostensible and real' is too loaded to be accurate or helpful. I think, probably, 'primary and secondary' reasons for HE might be a more fair representation.

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  9. I was very unhappy at school. I feel it squashed all the creativity out of me as I was pushed so hard academically by the school. I was also bullied mercilessly. I did not want the same potential experience for my daughter. My husband was also miserable at school. Although easy to say I think I would be a different person entirely now if I hadn't been subjected to that experience: it was utterly soul destroying.

    When asked why we home educate I always reply that it is because we didn't want our child's personality, hopes, dreams or creativity compromised by putting her into school, the way in which ours were, so for us it is as a direct result of unfortunate school experiences. No need to cover our motivation - school was just too big a risk for us to take.

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    1. Life compromises personality, hopes, dreams and creativity...it's those compromises that make life worth living that's the high cost of living.

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  10. I had no idea HE was even a legal option, such was my naiveness on the subject. Both my partner and I had reasonably pleasant experiences of school, although I was witness to some pretty horrific bullying during "middle" school. It wasn't until I decided to go for a Uni degree at the ripe old age of 38 that I found out about this option. One of my newly-found student friends (nearly 20 years my junior - gulp) had cousins both of whom were HEd. She told me how these two were thriving academically and were "thoroughly delightful" children and continued to bestow upon me the numerous benefits of HE. I was aghast at first "What?! No school?? How can they possibly have an effective education?!". I'm embarrassed to say I even went down the "how do they socialise??" path... *cringe*  The more I thought about it though the more it made massive sense. I bought books on the subject, joined lists, discovered this blog, visited some local HE groups, watched YouTube videos - just tried to assimilate as much information as I could on the subject. Why? We'd just had our first child (now 19 months) and my friend was having terrible trouble with his kids being bullied at school. In the end he yanked them out and is now HEing them. I met a friend of his, who's a LEA officer, also HEing his children. I had a fascinating conversation with this man. He couldn't speak highly enough of HE and told me - and I quote - "I would never dream of sending my kids to school". This is from a man who inspects schools for a living. That sealed the deal for me. My partner was intrigued by it all too and now we have no intention of sending our little girl to school in a few years time - instead relishing the opportunity to educate her ourselves. It's a scary prospect but a wonderful one at the same time...

    Richard

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    1. Sounds a bit fishy to me....

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    2. Which bit and why?

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  11. I read this post while mentally composing a comment something along the lines of, "Well of course many home-educating parents hated school - doesn't EVERYONE hate school?" But obviously several of your previous commenters didn't!

    I don't think I've ever met anyone in real life who loved, or even liked, school. They might have liked certan elements - the friends they made, or a particular teacher or subject - but I'd say that hating school with a passion is far more common. I think the main difference between the parents who decide to home ed and those who carry on sending their poor miserable kids into school is that those of us who home ed decide that, actually, it DOES matter whether our kids are happy or not, combined with having the confidence (or sheer bloody-minded determination) to take on the responsibility for their education ourselves.

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    1. So do you think that it's more that people don't think to mention how they disliked school as a reason for HE because it's so obvious it's not worth mentioning? They assume everyone disliked school?

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    2. Oh no..the reason is far more basic than that.
      They don't want to be recognised as selfish parents.
      'Oh we didn't like scool, so therefore Johnny you're not going to that dreadful, scary place, where the common children go...We're going to home educate you.'

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    3. How old are you again?

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  12. I loved school but my child didn't.

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  13. I was home educated from scratch, never went to school: my parents said it was because they had bad experiences of school - bullying, bad teachers, but especially having their time wasted day after day. People say you miss out on socialising, but seriously, at what other time of your life are you expected to 'socialise' with 30 other people your own age, most of whom you have nothing in common with, and some of whom can be pretty poisonous? School's most efficient service is a creche that enables two parents to work full time. I am not putting my daughter through school. That way I will ensure that she is not bullied, that she socialises in the real world from day one, that she is not the subject of the latest govt experimentation, and that her precious, valuable time is her own... oh, and that she can spell.

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    1. Were your parents members of EO?

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    2. Why do you want to know?

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    3. Your experiences sound a little bit contrived.
      Like they were written for an EO booklet.

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    4. Ahh, the anti-HE anonymous who 'knows' that everyone who disagrees with them is lying.

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    5. Maybe it was the self righteous opinion that 'school's most efficient service is a creche that enables two parents to work full time'..
      Isn't it straight from the pages of EO's 'school is not compulsory'.
      Without those parents working full time there wouldn't be any benefits paid to a good few home educators.

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    6. 'At what other time of your life are you expected to 'socialise' with 30 other people your own age, most of whom you have nothing in common with, and some of whom can be pretty poisonous?'

      The world of work, university, out in the street....
      In the real world.

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    7. I was at university, work and am often in the street and never encountered those articifial age boundaries. Perhaps if you only ever worked in schools, you might think that...

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    8. How odd, you mean to try and convince us that you've never noticed an under 12s football team or the Cubs/Brownies...or the Scouts and Guides?
      I find it rather strange that you haven't noticed that colleges are similar to schools and that many courses are structured to educate certain age groups. It's rather weird that you know hardly anything about freshers.

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    9. Under 12s means that they were not all born in the same year. Likewise, scouts, etc are also not confined to the same year group like schools. As to freshers, 50% are over 20 and 20% are over 25 according to the UK Higher Education Europe Unit, so a good example of a group that is not confined to artificial age boundaries.

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    10. We're referring to ADULT life. Do you work in an office of 'under 37s'? Maybe you do?

      My university had almost 50% mature students. Thankfully.

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  14. Not the HE'd Anon above, but that's one more conversation shut down, isn't it? You don't like what someone says? You just say you don't believe them.

    We could all do that, I suppose, but it doesn't further anyone's understanding. You simply aren't willing to engage in rational discussion.

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    1. And you're pretty well versed in the application of denialism.

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    2. "And you're pretty well versed in the application of denialism."

      Denialism, choosing to deny reality as a way to avoid an uncomfortable truth.

      Isn't this exactly what you do every time you decide that someone is lying when they say something you don't want to hear?

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    3. And... your belief in your creche theory is delusional.

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    4. It's the delusion of control.

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    5. 'you simply aren't willing to engage in rational discussion'
      You home educators aren't rational you're quite irrational.

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    6. Coming back every day to stick your tongue out at home educators one more time is very childish.

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    7. Nah....
      more like irreverent of your snotty and spiteful HE beliefs.

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  15. As a dumbing down tactic...

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    1. The only dumbing down tactic going on around here is being used regularly by home educators and you're using it on each other.

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    2. You're like sheep.

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