Tuesday 16 April 2013

Socialisation


When I was interviewed on Radio Sheffield the other day, it was perhaps inevitable that one of the questions asked should relate to socialisation. I often get a little tetchy when this subject is raised in connection with home education and it was all I could do to stop myself swearing at the idiot asking the question!

     What nobody with children at school ever seems to realise is that the socialisation which is the norm at schools is actually of a very limited and specific type, which is often not transferable to real life. To explain what I mean by this, it will be necessary to relate a personal anecdote.

     When my daughter was thirteen and also in the summer when she was fourteen, the local authority here in Essex managed to get hold of some money to run a series of events over the long summer holiday. These were courses and activities aimed at children and young people of all ages. They ranged from archery and canoeing to poetry and self assertiveness workshops. All were completely free to the young people taking part. My daughter signed up for masses of things for each of those summers and had a great time.

     What I found profoundly depressing was that many of the activities had to be cancelled, because not enough children wanted to take part and it was not worth laying them on only for one or two. This was puzzling, because a constant complaint round here is that there is nothing for young people to do.  I was so curious about this that I looked into it a bit; asking the parents of schoolchildren that I know, why they thought that their own children had not been interested. The answers were interesting. Typical responses from the young people themselves were statements such as, “I wouldn’t know anybody.”  or “None of my mates are going.” The idea of turning up to met a bunch of people that they did not know was frankly unnerving for these schoolchildren. My own daughter and also incidentally a few other home educated children locally, just turned up alone and joined in. This was an uncomfortable idea for many children of school age, which is why so many events were not run in the end.

     In effect, the children at school had been conditioned to socialise with a group of thirty or so other young people, none of whom varied in age by more than twelve months. They were keen to mix with these children, but not with anybody who was slightly young or older. They certainly did not want to spend the day with strangers. This is in sharp contrast to many home educated children, who are used to mixing with unknown people of all ages; from toddlers and babies, all the way through to very old men and women. 

6 comments:

  1. Oh, I agree. My kids were always up for an adventure like that. The awful thing is that many home educators I know seem to have the same attitude as school kids. They won't commit to a home ed event/visit etc unless they know their friends are going. Sad.

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  2. Definitely agree, and would also make the old, old point that some children come to HE because the 'standard' socialisation model doesn't work for them so they wouldn't be conventionally sociable if they weren't HE. They'd just be miserable, overwhelmed and, almost certainly, bullied.

    My children view a room full of kids, or a standard birthday party as the innermost circle of hell. They like people in small quantities and doses and to have a clear escape route if necessary.

    The adult world is a much easier place for children like mine,, so they tend to prefer it. That's fine with me. Imagine if your school days really were the happiest ones of your life? It's a very long anti-climax afterwards, isn't it?

    Atb
    Anne

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  3. "... In effect, the children at school had been conditioned to socialise with a group of thirty or so other young people, none of whom varied in age by more than twelve months. They were keen to mix with these children, but not with anybody who was slightly young or older. They certainly did not want to spend the day with strangers. This is in sharp contrast to many home educated children, who are used to mixing with unknown people of all ages; from toddlers and babies, all the way through to very old men and women."

    That's a good summary of the socialisation non-issue, Simon. HE children that have never met before (e.g., different HE groups coming together) often seem to engage well with each other, while different groups of school children - even of the same age - find it harder to mix; they're much more tribal. Ironically, it seems that the HE children act as the "social glue" in a mixed gathering of school and HE children.

    I've no doubt that there are exceptions, but the general trend seems to be clear.

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  4. for once old worn out Webb is right!Peter found this that he could mix with any one due to his travels with chess visiting different country's mixing with all ages races along with his home education where we often went out and about filmed but not shown apart from the chess event.
    Something the teacher at college remarked about his skills at socialization.
    Good post Webb keep it up

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  5. Yes, we've had very similar experiences. I think much of it is down to role modelling, rather than home education per se. I think if parents are open to new experiences and opportunities then their children will be too. If the parent won't do anything without having a familiar gang around them, the child will feel the same.

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  6. 'If the parent won't do anything without having a familiar gang around them, the child will feel the same.'

    Very true.

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